i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
