his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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