What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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