Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
