the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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