she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
