Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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