Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
