i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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