he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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