She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
