So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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