Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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