dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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