My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
