I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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