I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
