i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
