Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We're like a lot better than the average bears
The maid of honor just puked.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
