Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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