She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
