Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
