im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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