a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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