Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
