My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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