Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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