I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
