Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I supernannyed him into submission
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
