you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
your like the ambassador to my penis.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
