my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
