Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
