I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
