So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
