We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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