dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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