a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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