Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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