So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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