i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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