i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
