I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
