Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
