I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
