"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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