therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
