perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The air was thick with penises
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
