so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
