I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You are a genius and a whore.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
