talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
