I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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