He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
