Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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