My liver just broke up with me...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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