roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
