We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
