I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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