You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
