My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
