Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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