Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
